That thing you’re feeling? You’re not alone. This Wired article by Jason Parham - “The Breaking Point Is Here - Again” - has a quote that found words closer to what I’m feeling than anything I came up with when I tried to verbalize it.
“And because we live in a precise intersection of time and circumstance there is a very particular sensation, in the slipstream of inconceivable terror, that posseses the body, that seeps into the recesses of the mind. The sensation is not anguish alone that one feels, that one understands with a too-familiar sigh and heartbreak, because the feeling, in the context of this moment, is more than that. It is a simultaneous and exponential crush, swell, and unsettling: Everything is compounded on top of, next to, and under what is happening and what has already happened to you.”
I tend to put my head down and go into a mental cave and record or make music when stuff gets real dark and I feel powerless. I don’t talk to anyone, even though I probably need to.