Just in case you don’t read all of this, let me make sure the point of this gets across:
You are worthy.
(Read on if you wanna see where that came from and hear the beginnings of a song about it)
I got back on twitter the last couple months, for the first time in years, because I thought I needed to have at least SOME presence there (whatever the eff that means) if I was taking this artist thing seriously.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s really entertaining and (sometimes) informative, but never once did I close the app and feel better for having ventured there.
Everyone is so angry. Or sad. Often both.
And worse, every time I sent out a tweet to “add to the conversation” I came across equally as sad or angry.
It feels like the hallmarks of our world right now are those two things: sadness and anger.
I’ve often wondered what the underlying source for all of this is. We always point to political stuff, but I think it runs a lot deeper. I think the outward tangible manifestations are just symptoms.
I was writing this song in the middle of feeling all of the above and I think I realized something. Tell me if it tracks or not or if I’m way off.
No one feels worthy. Or rather, we feel un-worthy.
And I don’t mean ‘deserving’ or ‘loved’ or anything like that. The word ‘worthy’ implies something deeper, something below the surface of who we are. It speaks to that source material that is the essence of our being.
I’ve recently realized that this feeling is the root of almost all issues in my life.
The problem with ‘worth’ is that it’s not something that can be earned. It’s something that seems to be bestowed upon us - by God, the universe, other people, whatever. We hear of people “proving” their worth, but never earning it.
This fact makes feeling ‘unworthy’ especially hopeless, because knowing that it can’t be earned means that I can’t work my way out of it, which leads to a handful of reactions which in turn lead to every other issue.
I hide. I retreat from everything good in my life.
I lean into it. I’ll act even more a fool because fuck it, if I can’t fix it, I might as well embrace it.
I judge. I look at others as being even MORE unworthy, just to make myself feel a little better.
AND…I reject love. This is the worst, most damaging and insane reaction. I will literally reject love in my life because I don’t believe them. I think “something must be wrong with them.”
Fortunately I’ve done enough digging to realize the source of unworthiness in my life. Mine is DECADES of being constantly reminded that I was a sinner that didn’t deserve grace but got it anyway. And then, after supposedly receiving said grace, still being constantly reminded that I was a sinner that didn’t deserve it. Turns out that did some damage. Who would have thought.
And regardless if you believe in God or not, it’s quite likely that somewhere along the way you were made to feel unworthy by some power or institution or authority figure or loved one.
I think we’re seeing the ramifications of that in the world today.
Because those that feel unworthy do everything they can to obtain as much power and money as possible - at whatever cost - to try and fill that void.
And those that feel unworthy rage at others they deem as being even MORE unworthy, because it makes them feel a little bit better, cause at least WE are not as bad as THEM.
And those that feel unworthy…just…end it. Because what’s the point?
So. Let me say this again:
YOU. ARE. WORTHY.